personal

I guess I am not as clever as I thought I was. I got an email from Samantha saying that she no longer wants to talk to me because she doesn't think that my intentions are sincere. She said I was in love with the idea of being in love but I wasn't really fully feeling those emotions. I don't know why she got all philosophical and shit on me or what lead her to draw this conclusion but I am hella pissed off that I failed. It makes me question my entire approach. Perhaps this is karma coming back to bite me in the ass.

When I was young I used to have some ridiculous ideals about life. I used to think that magic was possible. I used to believe in astrology, psychics and all that jazz. Where did the saying "all that jazz" come from anyway? I use it all the time and I have no idea where it's origin lies. When we fall in love, we just fall in love with ourselves is the way that Tom Chaplin puts it. He also says that love is just a lyric in a children's rhyme. Right now I am sitting outside with my laptop on my lap and it's kinda warm lol.

I don't remember exactly what age I was when I started to see all of these childish ideals crumble before me. They say that when you are 3 years old you develop death anxiety and that death anxiety is what spawns your destructive voice. It is born out of fear. The mind killer. Fear sucks and it can go fuck itself. The pipers calling you to join him - I never understood what that lyric meant. My older sister used to listen to Led Zeplin all the time.

When I entered into high school I remember still feeling somewhat optimistic about life. I don't know exactly how to explain clearly my definition of optimism. I think I was more ignorant than anything. I thought that the world was a certain way in my head and that excited me but then I learned that I was wrong and it wasn't like that at all. I had a pretty miserable and depressing time as an adolescent. I think a lot of people share similar experiences when it comes to childhood. When I look back now, yes I did have SOME good times but there was a blanket feeling of being depressed and feeling inferior to my peers. It is amazing how differently I think about life now compared to when I was a teenager. I was very angry and frustrated. I developed a very bad attitude toward life in general because I was angry that I wasn't getting respect from my peers. Even worse I felt like I was being victimized by them.

I am obviously a product of my mom and dad but it wasn't until recent that I realized how much influence my mom had on the man I am today. She overprotected me. I have often wished that I had grown up in a family where I had older brothers who would have kicked my ass and made me tougher. Having just one older sister made me a different person. I have been through things in my life that have toughened me up but I still am a pussy about certain things. Even though I KNOW what things I should change about myself doesn't mean that it's easy to do.

Cars are like women... I wish I had a snappy anecdote to add to this line but I don't. Anyways selling cars is easier than meeting girls and being in a relationship. I guess I sound kind of jaded but really I'm not. I'm just a bottom line guy and after being dumped it has changed me a bit and has made me more cold. I find myself being suspect of anything and everything around me now and the bad part is that half the time I AM getting screwed over in whatever small or large degree. I am started to assume the worst about people and I don't think this is a very healthy way to be living but I can't control it. Maybe I need to read some books about positivity, or maybe I just need to use this new found reference point to make lots of money, bang lots of chicks, and conquer the world! The jury is still out as to which way I will go.

Being dumped has affected me at work also. I have much less patience now for car buyers and I look at them all as idiots and I just want them to give me their money stfu and gtfo. Bah humbug. I also have a negative jaded view of women and I am very skeptical of women and don't have much faith in them to be well... faithful. I was always faithful to my ex girlfriend and now that I was cheated on, I think "fuck it" I can cheat too, in fact why be in a relationship at all? Why don't I just bang lots of chicks and stay single and life the life of reily? I couldn't think of a good reason not to, so that is my goal.

Since I have joined the online dating site I have met a wide variety of women. Some of them shy some of them forward and some of them just downright sluts who need to get nailed hard. I bet some of them are in relationships right now even. What I am trying to do is to just find the sluts who I can go over and bang and then chill out with maybe get a massage and leave. The girls who want long term relationships I am just going to lie to them and pretend I am in love with them so I can have sex with them. Yes I am evil. Being cheated on has forever tainted my heart black.

In fact I am going to go out of my way to make girls fall in love with me so I can bang them and then write about them here for you guys.

Hi my name is Chad and I am 27 years old. I have never owned a blog before but I decided that I would start to date girls online and I thought why not make a blog about it. So what can I tell you about myself? The last relationship I was in was 3 years ago. We were together for 4 years and I had planned on asking her to marry me and then have a few kids etc. I thought that we were happy, but I found out that she was cheating on me so I left her and started a new life. I have dated girls off and on since then, I have had the occasional one night stands etc but I would really like to meet someone I can fall in love with and eventually get married to.

I sell used cars for a living. Having been doing so for the last 8 years and I am quite good at it. I work for a place that only sells imports, no american cars etc. I am not your typical sleazy car salesman. I dress very nice and I like to sell with integrity. I am really into woodworking and cabinet making and I have a nice little wood shop in my backyard. I spend a lot of time back there working away and listening to music.