girlfriend

OK so I have scrapped the idea of getting girls to fall in love with me and then break their hearts. I think I am finally over my ex now and I think maybe she did me a favour. I don't know how to explain it but for some reason I fell relieved that she cheated on me and left me. I know I wasn't totally happy with her or better yet I wasn't making her happy and I was feeling the effects of those actions and as a result I was feeling crappy if that makes any sense?

So with this new perspective I realized that I have too big of a heart and too heavy of a conscience to be going around breaking young girl's hearts to quote the king of pop. I am now kind of confused and I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down. I don't know if I want just a girlfriend or if I want just casual sexual flings. I dunno. All I know is I want something and I am not going to stop until I get it, whatever it is. Ok, this is not making a lot of sense but love never does make sense does it? There I go throwing around the world love. I am not sure I have ever truly been in love before. I know I have experienced lust before and codependency but neither of those constitute much of love do they?

What I am doing now is really just going through the online dating site and messaging whatever girl I feel like it. I think that I have been judging a book by its cover so to speak. I think that I am trying too hard to pick the right kind of girl. The truth is that I really don't know what kind of girl is going to make me happy. I don't think you can look on paper and say this is the girl for me. I think that maybe the kind of girl I will best gel with may be nothing I would have ever thought would be my type. I think it comes down to random things that put together can make for happiness. I think this has been part of my problem my whole life. I have always forced things that I think are right. I have not let things happen naturally. I think the big part of the problem here is that I have figured out that I am not "right" very often.

I see myself as an intellect but at the same time I make very bad decisions and I do stupid things. How can someone who is so smart, make such dumb choices? It makes me wonder if I am bright at all? Maybe I give myself too much credit. Maybe I am not as smart as I think. Maybe I am just as average as everyone else that I constantly put down. I think I need to start seeing a shrink. Maybe I can find an attractive shrink just like Tony did in the Sopranos. I wish they would bring that show back. I think it was an awesome series and I really like James Gandalfini. I am getting off on a weird tangent here so I am gonna go for now. I have more girls I need to message. I will let you know all how it goes soon. I promise.

Hi everyone and sorry it has been already 8 days since my last post. I am trying to reduce the time I spend between posts for you guys. I am still working on my first fake long term relationship with that girl Cynthia and I have also met two other girls who I am now faking being in love with. As far as Cynthia goes, I have still not agreed to meet her. I keep telling her that I am too nervous and that we have such a special unique thing going on right now. I AM going to meet her, but I want to keep putting it off so that she wants me even more once we finally do meet. I will let you guys know when I actually decide to go meet her. Let me tell you about the other 2 girls on the hook.

The first girl is named Heather and she is 27 and she works in a flower shop. She is a really nice girl and a bit of a nerd but she is cute. She has these cute black rimmed glasses and is very shy. She doesn't look like she has had much experience with life in general, let alone with devious men like myself muhahahaha. She said she has been in a couple of relationships before but none of them were very serious, that she is still looking for mr. right. She thinks that I might be Mr. Right but she couldn't be more wrong. I am going to simply make her believe that I love her so that I can have that good girlfriend sex and also so that she will pamper me I think she is from Eastern Europe somewhere, that reminds me I need to ask her where exactly. She said she doesn't have a lot of friends and has a condo on the garden level and said she has lots of flowers and stuff in her garden and likes to sit out there and read books and drink coffee. She said she doesn't drink alcohol at all and doesn't smoke cigarettes or pot. I think this is good, cuz I want a nice earnest goody two shoes type girl that I can train in the bedroom and then dump once I am bored of her, the same way I was dumped by my ex.

The second girl I met online is named Julia and she is only 21 and still going to university. She thinks she has found some understanding mature older guy. She tells me that she thinks all the guys her age are too immature and don't understand her. She thinks that she is an old soul. She thinks that when she speaks she is saying some profound deep shit when in reality she is just annoying and talks too much. I am not sure how long I can tolerate being around this girl. Hopefully she puts out early so I don't have to waste too much time, effort, and money getting into her pants.

I am taking things slow with each girl so that they all fall in love with me slowly. I know that if I rush things I will not get the desired effect. My new goal is to have six full on girlfriends so I can have the girlfriend experience six times over.